Professor Snape and his Pedophile Urges
by strangefreaks
Summary: A fic poking fun at SSHG fics ...Harry and Ron come across Snape's not-too-secret diary and find some pretty disturbing stuff about Hermione in it. Hilarity ensues...
1. The Diary Found!

Disclaimer and such:  
  
Tavia and Vickie don't own Harry Potter or its characters but they do own this plot for this story...and we don't really have author's notes besides the ones we write each other at the bottom of the page, lol. Enjoy and review.  
  
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"Hey, Ron," Harry turned to his cauldron partner, with whom he was to be making the Draught of the Living Dead in Potions.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Have you noticed anything, well, odd about Snape lately?"  
  
"What d'you mean?"  
  
"Well, today for instance...he's walked past Neville and Hermione's cauldron without criticizing their work at least ten times."  
  
"Maybe he's having a good day or something."  
  
Harry raised his eyebrows.  
  
"Yeah, you're probably right," Ron changed his mind, "What d'you think's gotten into him?"  
  
"I dunno..." As Harry watched Snape, the potions master quietly went behind his desk and pulled out a small black book and a quill and started writing something.  
  
"Now what's he up to?"  
  
"Huh?" Ron looked up from the cauldron.  
  
"Looks like a diary," Harry speculated.  
  
"How do you know?"  
  
"Well, the cover said "The Diary of Severus Snape.""  
  
"What d'you reckon?" Ron had a glint of adventure in his eyes, "Should we nick it after class? To see what he's up to?"  
  
"Hmm."  
  
"Aw, c'mon, Harry," Ron pleaded," It's been forever since the last time we've done something stupid that could get us in trouble."  
  
Harry smiled; he had the hankering for some danger, too.  
  
"Alright, after the bell rings we'll go up to Snape's desk and you'll cover me while I get it out...looks like he's put it in one of his desk drawers."  
  
Ron winked, "Good thing, too. I was beginning to think our sixth year was going to be boring." About twenty minutes later the bell signaling the start of midday break sounded and Harry and Ron packed up their potions things and innocently and inconspicuously approached Snape's desk at the front of the room.  
  
"Check that the coast's clear," Harry whispered to Ron as they got closer to the desk.  
  
"Snape's in his office...we're okay," Ron replied.  
  
"What're you two up to?" Hermione had an accusing tone in her voice.  
  
"Hush up, Hermione. Harry and I are up to something."  
  
Hermione shook her head and sighed, "Boys."  
  
Harry gently pulled open the top drawer of Snape's desk and immediately found what he was looking for.  
  
"Got it," he said, and the three of them left the room, with Hermione wearing a facial expression reminiscent of Professor McGonagall's when someone was caught doing something bad in one of her classes.  
  
"Oh, don't give us that look, Hermione," Ron told her, annoyed, "Harry and I just want to know what's been keeping Snape in such a good mood lately."  
  
"What're you talking about?"  
  
"Well," Harry interrupted, "he's definitely been a lot more quiet during his classes this year...especially to Neville whenever you're around."  
  
"What do you mean?" Hermione was confused.  
  
"We don't know yet - that's why we stole Snape's diary."  
  
"But what if he notices it's gone? You and Ron could get into a lot of trouble, you know."  
  
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*That's all I've got for now...it's kinda lame lol...I'll ttyl, Tavia!* 


	2. Pedophile Urges!

*Tavia's go-at-it…tell me what you think, Vickie…*

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"Don't go on about it, Hermione, you don't have anything to do with this diary, or us." Ron said now a bit tersely as he took the book ad pocked it. 

"As a matter of fact, I-"

"C'mon, Harry, let's go to the common room, a place we always go in these Hermione Granger Severus Snape fictions, and take a look-see at what's keeping Snape so...icky." Ron grabbed Harry's arm and pulled him up the stairs and into the portrait ("Incantum Librum") where they found only Ginny and Colin pouring over a transfiguration book.

"Hey Harry, Ron," said Ginny and Colin a bit flustered.

"Hiya, Harry!" said Colin, obviously not even taking note that Ron even existed "Sure is a nice day isn't it?"

"Colin, it's a downpour outside," Ron said rolling his eyes. "C'mon Harry, we can go to your dorm."

The two boys raced to the room and locked the door. They now were grinning mischievously at the book in Ron's hands.

"You read it!" Harry said with anticipation swelling in his voice.

"No, you read it! I read all funny and slow!"

"Oh, alright," said Harry as he flipped to a middle entry blotched with ink.

**_" 'September 10th _**

**Number times of hair washed: 7 (scary); Number of points taken from Gryffindor: 0 (bloodcurdling); Chocolate units consumed: 34(not bad); People irked today: 0 (v. bad)**

**" 'Today has been most delightful, despite the fact that I've had to see Potter one more day of my wretched life...'"**

"Hey!" Harry exclaimed.

"Shh, Harry! keep reading!"

**_" "-but that could only be the lowest point of my day. Felt extremely dizzy and warm today, and for once, it had nothing to do with the five firewhiskies I downed consecutively in an hour's period. No…it must be something else…_**

**_Bumped into Granger today after Transfigurations between my morning lurking-around-the-castle and the walloping-in-self-pity portions of my day. Girl turned such a violent shade of white it'd make the Barron blush_**_._

"Oh, sorry Professor-"

"Nevermind, Herm- I mean, Granger. Just leave before I feel the need to dock points from your gawking."

**_Felt a bit funny after that, as my arm is still burning from where she bumped into me. The insufferable know-it-all, tactless in every way…_**

****

**_Then during Potions I found myself doing the oddest thing: _**

**_Staring at Granger._**

**_She's not at all like she was last year…a bit less weight to her (could it be to lack of books?) and a mature look to her…kind of pretty…if you like insufferable-know-it-alls…_**

**Which I do.'"**

Harry looked at Ron and they both gaped at each other.

"No way…you don't think-" Harry said uneasily.

"Not possible…maybe he's talking about…er…another Granger?" Ron said going white.

**_" 'Felt all hot and disturbed…is this usual?'"_**

Harry turned to a page with drawings of Hermione and little hearts that danced around the page. More overly disgusting was one page that had a S.P.E.W. sticker on it with big bold lettering that read _'I LOVE GRANGER'_ in curly green and silver ink. Finally, he picked up the nerve to read the latest entry.

**_" 'October 11th -_******

**Number times of hair washed: 2 (not bad); Number of points taken from Gryffindor: 0 (am going into cardiac arrest); Chocolate units consumed: 104 (v. v. bad); People irked today: 0 (not at all up to par) Hermione infatuation radar level: 10 (and loving every second of it)**

It's another morning where I can wake up and say "I LOVE HERMIONE!" Followed the girl to all of her classes today and even managed to cut off a lock of her hair…will savor it this evening…

****

"Ewww!" Ron shrieked.

**_"'Told her she'd dropped a quill in-between History of Magic and nearly busted…from…er…joy when she bent down to pick it up. She has a nice rear, you know? (Wait…must stop writing about her…)_**

**_Am drawing pictures of her as she helps that fool Neville to try to make a potion that doesn't blow up on site. I'm trying to hold in the desire to thrash the boy until Granger has left…can't let her know I'm violent._**

****

**_Oh wait…she already knows that. (And must stop writing about her!)_**

****

**Made up a song about her as I passed Potter and Weasley's desk, of course I only hummed the song because the lyrics were somewhat provocative. I wonder if they're on to me…and I swear she smiled as I passed a second time…oh that did make me happy in all the right places…**

**_I will be miffed.'"_**

"AHHHHHHH!" Harry and Ron shrieked and threw down the book.

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Lol Vickie…what have we here? We have _fun_…lol. Update and TTYL!


	3. Blackmail?

"Bloody hell!" Ron looked as though he was about to die of shock...or suicide,"D'you think we should tell someone?"

  
"Like who? Hermione? Oh, yeah, that'd be an easy conversation to have," Harry said, sarcastically," "Hey, Hermione. Ron and I just wanted to let you know that Professor Snape is in love with you and has gross fantasies about you.""

  
"Professor McGonagall, then?" Ron suggested, and then his eyes lit up, "Dumbledore! We could finally get Snape sacked! No one wants a greasy perv with too much time on his hands teaching their children in a dungeon!"

  
"But how're going to prove it?"

  
"We've got the diary! What other proof do we need? I mean, the thing basically says "Fire me! I'm a dirty pedophile!""

  
"But then we'll have to explain how we got the diary in the first place, and I don't think two students who supposedly stole from a teacher are exactly trustworthy in the first place."

  
"Well, once we show Dumbledore the evidence, he'll fire Snape, thank us and no one'll even ask us how we got the diary, as long as there was proof and the culprit was caught! I mean, you know how Dumbledore is!"

  
"Well, yeah...but..."

  
"But what?"

  
"Maybe we should wait a bit...maybe he's just trying to tric-"

  
"You're right!"

  
"I am?"

  
"We could use it as blackmail on Snape!"

  
"No, that's not what-"

  
"Anonymously, of course...I mean, direct blackmail could get us expelled...but still...maybe we could get him to give Gryffindor all those points he took away back! Or maybe we could get him the yell at Malfoy for once! Or better yet expelled!"

  
"Hm...maybe just to yell at Malfoy...we can't ask too much or be to obvious...I mean, he already knows how much we hate Malfoy..."

  
And so Harry and Ron talked well into the night, plotting ways of getting their much longed-for revenge on Snape and the Slytherin House.  
  
  


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*The ending's kinda sad, so you can tweak it up a bit! I'll ttyl!*


	4. Planning

Awesome…reviews! Thanks guys and don't worry…It won't get horrible! Maybe PG-ish…nothing remotely close to R and we're rating it PG-13 to be on the safe side.

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The next morning Ron and Harry and Ron went to breakfast as usual, and tried their best not to make direct eye contact with Hermione.  
  
"So, what were you two up to all last night? I hope you returned the diary-"

  
"Shh, Hermione!" Said Ron looking over his shoulder at the staff table. "We're going to...don't worry about it."

  
"You'd better do so because I can't stand to have anymore points lost to Gryffindor just because you two-"

  
"Alright, Hermione, stop ridding us about it, OK?"

  
"Good. So...what was in it anyway, you know-" She bent over to address Harry and Ron "-the diary?"

  
"Well -er..." Harry said, twirling his spoon in his porridge.

  
"It was-"

  
"-nothing really-"

  
"-madness, honestly-"

  
"-gibberish and rubbish-"

  
"Uh-huh," Hermione said with a leery look. "I see. Well, just so long as you return it is all...you know he'd suspect us first, just as he always does. I'm off to see Professor McGonagall about the N.E.W.T.'s because I think I should head it off before next year. Do you want to go-?"

  
"No...no we've got to eat...and then we've-"

  
"-got to return the you-know-what."

  
"Oh, right," said Hermione slightly disappointed. "Well, I'll see you two around then."

  
"Sure thing," Harry said. Hermione rose from her seat, gathered her books and headed out of the Great Hall.

  
"D' you reckon we should put a lengthening charm on her skirts?"

  
"I was thinking the same thing, but don't worry, I've just done it as she was getting up."

  
"Nice one, Harry."

  
"Thanks Ron. Now...about the...you-know-what..."

  
"Yeah, I'm thinking we slip a note under his door after supper this evening instead of Potions...it'd be less conspicuous."

  
"You're right. So...do you have the note?"

  
"I got Dobby to write it last night."

  
"WHAT?!?"

  
"Well, we know Dobby wouldn't tell and he's least noticable. Besides, Snape knows our handwriting...all those essays we've gotten "T's" on?"

  
"You're right. So after supper, meet me in the dorms and we'll use my cloak."

  
"Great...I can't wait to see the man squirm like this...after all he's done to us..."

  
"Me either. I just wish it wasn't at Hermione's expense."

  
"I know what you mean. Still, what she doesn't know won't hurt her."

"Yeah, I guess that's true."

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Okay…you get the fun part,lol. Ttyl!


	5. Dobby's Letter

*Geeze? Funnier? Oookie dokie! Here you go, Rai Dorian…this is for you…*

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So, what exactly does the note say?" Harry whispered to Ron under the invisibility cloak on their midnight escapade.

  
"Well, I don't know exactly..."

  
"What do you mean, you don't know exactly?" Harry was worried. No matter how much he, er, liked Dobby, he couldn't help feeling like Dobby's offer of help was exactly trustworthy, considering the fact that what Dobby called "saving Harry Potter" was equivalent to many life-threatening and dangerous activities.

  
"I didn't tell Dobby word-for-word what to write...I just told him what happened, with Snape liking Hermione and told him to tell Snape to follow the terms you and I came up with."

  
"And you're absolutely sure Dobby understood what's going on? I mean, he didn't write a note saying something like "The great and famous Harry Potter and his Wheezy would like you to do the following..." did he?"

  
"Hm...lemme check..." Ron reached into his pocket and pulled out a piece of wrinkled parchment as Harry checked the Marauder's Map for any teachers, or Mrs. Norris, roaming the hallways, "Dear Professor Perv-"

  
"Professor Perv?"

  
"Oops...I guess I forgot to tell him that it's Professor Snape..." Ron smiled with glee, "Anyways...

**_ Dear Professor Perv,_**

**_Tuo students who wants to remains Anonnnymoose want you, a perv who is a great perv and slime ball and is in love with Miss Her-my-knee Granjer, to comply with these following demands:_**

**_No more favoring the Slytherin House_**

**_Treat other houses students equally, if not, superioriorillie, as Slytherin students_**

**_No more distributing T's to any student except other slime balls, most notably Mr. Draco Malfoy_**

**_No more fantasizing about Miss Her-my-knee Granjer._**

**_The two misters menchonned above would like to tell you that they have your very secret diary that holds many of your innermost secrets and informashun you wouldn't want anyone to know about. If you don't comply to the demands also menchunned above the two masters will anonnymoosely turn the diary in to Master Dumbledoor and have you sacked because they hate you and they think you are a perv._**

****

**_Dobby the Houseelf in the kitchens_**_"_

"Ron, we can't give that to Snape!"

"Why not?"

"Well, for starters it looks like a 5-year-old or someone very uneducated wrote it!"

"So? That'll just make it harder for Snape to figure out who has his diary and wrote the note!"

"But house-elves aren't educated, Ron! Snape'll know it was a house-elf who wrote it!"

"How? A student could've done that so no one would think it was a student."

"Well, Dobby signed the note, Ron."

"Oh...right..." Ron realized," We can fix that," and he tore the bottom portion off.

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*eh, that's all that came to mind lol...i'll ttyl!*  
  



	6. HE'S IN THERE!

*For those of you who read chapter 6, you might notice that it's changed. We uploaded the wrong chapter so…just act like you didn't read it, okay? Er…here's the chapter you already read but read out-of-order…sorry for the confusion or whatever I (Tavia, because she's the illogical slow one) may have caused you.

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"This is going to be horrible…I just know it." Harry said as Ron sneaked into Snape's classroom and put the note in the place of the missing diary. Harry's hands were trembling as he held the map. This was one of the things Harry thought he'd never have to deal with in his entire life...dealing with the fact that his fully-grown teacher and a disgusting infatuation over his best friend? Harry's pulse quickened and he struggled for breath. But before Harry could get much more nervous, Ron came bolting out of the room.

"HE'S IN THERE!"

"WHAT?!?"

Before Harry could entirely comprehend what Ron was telling him, the door burst open and a very angry Snape focused his bloodshot eyes upon Harry and Ron. He held a half empty bottle of dry gin in his hand and his blue collar shirt was unbuttoned exposing his chest. His long greasy hair was as dreary as ever and his unshaven face was an object of absolute terror.

"POTTER AND WEASLEY!"

Ron and Harry screamed and ran up the staircase to their dormitories and didn't stop running until they'd gotten into their beds and locked the door.

"OH MY GOD!"

"Shh!" Neville said, tossing in his bed. The boys looked at each other and resumed their conversation.

"Ron..he saw us! He saw us! He knows it's us!" Harry said frantically as Ron collaped on the floor panting.

"I know Harry…I know! What are we going to do?"

"I don't know Ron…I have no idea…Oh I knew this was a bad idea-"

"You knew? I kept saying the whole time what a bad idea it was! And you-"

"Don't you dare blame me, Ron! If you'd made sure the room was secure in the first place-!"

"Alright…this isn't helping. Fact of it is, he knows it was you and I who sent the note! We have to go to class tomorrow, Harry! How on Earth?!?"

"I dunno, Ron. Merlin's beard…"

"I guess all we can do is wait until tomorrow. I mean…we can't really do anything about it, now, can we?"

"I suppose you're right. Just go back to sleep."

"Okay." Said Harry curling under his covers as the vision of an obviously drunk Professor Snape loomed in his mind…


	7. Hermione Slips

The following morning Ron and Harry found themselves, rather reluctantly, getting dressed, packing their school book-bags, and heading down to the Great Hall unsure of what they might encounter with their first encounter with Snape since the...hrm...accidental encounter the night before.

"D'you reckon it's safe to eat breakfast?" Ron asked Harry on their mournful, end-of-days kind of march to the Great Hall.

"Do YOU reckon it's safe to go anywhere in this castle when the most evil teacher is wandering around probably plotting ways to kill you?"

"No..."

"Okay, then. We'll just have to see what happens...and try and avoid him if he's in the Hall."

"But we've got Potions today! There's no way we're going to be able to avoid him there!"

"I know, I know..."

But to the two delinquents great surprise and good fortune, Snape wasn't in the Great Hall.

"Where do you think he is? You don't think he's waiting for us to come out of the Hall, do you? You know," Ron's ears went pink and he lowered his voice, "to do us in?"

"No, he couldn't kill us right under Dumbledore's nose..."

"Well then where -"

"I have no idea..."

And Ron stopped asking Harry and instead began thinking of ways that Snape might "do them in" and looking into his porridge, clearly not enjoying it as much as he usually does, as though it was his last bowl.

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When they reached the Potions they were taken by even more surprise when they found that Snape was not there.

"What the -" Lavender Brown said as they saw a notice on the classroom door giving the students a free period because they did not have a teacher.

"What the -" pretty much summed it all up in Harry's opinion, seeing as how Snape was known to never miss a lesson, sick or healthy. Ron gulped beside him. This was definitely a bit dodgy...

"Why're you two so worried?" Hermione asked them while walking back to Gryffindor Tower, "I was sure you two would be the two most excited about the news."

"You mean you knew Snape wasn't going to be here?" Ron was suspicious.

"Well..." Hermione flushed,"no...of course I didn't! I mean, how would I know?" she gave Harry and Ron piercing looks, as though trying to prove she couldn't've known that bit of information and was rather annoyed that they would accuse her of such a thing.

Ron shrugged with the same skeptical look on his face.

"And you should talk! Running around in the middle of the night in the dungeons -" Hermione blurted out.

"Hang on!" Harry interrupted her, "How did you know about that? I don't remember Ron and I telling you about that!"

Hermione flushed even more, "Well I...I..."

"Well?" Ron egged her on.

"I'm going to the library to get ready for my next lesson," and she left, with Ron and Harry staring blankly and shocked after her.

"


	8. Hewig's Letter

Thanks for the many reviews, and a million pardons for Tavia's lack of updating. We encountered a virus on our computer but the issue has been resolved and so, we give you more chapters. I'd also like to address stargazer for the time being: We greatly appreciate that there are people in the fanfiction site who have nothing better to do than over-analyze a simple parody…but, perhaps if there are so many things gone awry on our own fiction, you might be better off writing one of your own. And so…. we continue our story…

"Y'know, I'm getting that feeling that Hermione isn't being open with us," Ron said with the look of bemusement holding strong.  
"Me too, Ron," said Harry "and she's been in the library an awful lot...not that she isn't anyway...but you know."  
"I sure do, mate and whatever it is...I'm going to put my finger on it or my name isn't Ronald Weasley."  
"Right...well I'm going down to the owlry, Hedwig hasn't come around for days and I think something is up. Care to tag along?"  
"D'you really think I'm going to sit around and wait for Snape to do me in? I'm with you, mate."  
The two boys headed down the corridor looking over their shoulders the entire time. It's amazing how big and silent the castle was to the two boys when they felt that someone was after them. Ron pushed open the doors to the owlry and Harry followed him inside. A dozen birds flew down and perched on Ron and Harry's shoulders.   
"Urgh...owl turds," Ron said as he wiped a wad of owl droppings from his hair.  
"That's really gross, Ron. Ah, there you are Hedwig!"  
Hedwig was sitting on a perch closest to Harry's arm and she nodded at him as she stretched forth her beak and handed Harry a piece of crumpled parchment.  
"Hmm, I knew I had mail for some reason...Ron, Hedwig's got a letter!"  
"Really now, isn't that jolly?" Said Ron as he continued to fight the owls off of him.   
"C'mon, we'll take it to the commons."  
"Right, the commons...we're safe in the commons."  
Harry and Ron fought their way out of the mass of talons and sharp beaks and back into the deserted hallway, up the stairs and into the portrait ("Silver Sickle") and plopped down into their preferred seats. Harry smoothed out the piece of parchment and read it under his breath so only he and Ron could hear:  
  
_I know that you know.  
And I am after you.  
10:00 pm on Friday the 13th, my dungeon.  
Or else._  
  
Ron's face turned ghost white. "F-Friday the t-thirteenth is today, Harry."  
"Don't you think I know this Ron?"  
"W-what do we do?"  
"We do nothing...nothing at all."  
"And Hermione?"  
"She can take care of herself...besides, as much as I hate to say it...she isn't in as bad off as we are."  
  
Ron looked at the letter once more and threw it into the fireplace. Their eventful evening was about to begin.

Thanks…and we'll continue to update.


	9. Suspicious Encounters

…So at 9:30 Harry gave Ron a nod and they set off through the portrait hole together to meet their doom.

"He couldn't expel us, could he?" Ron was anxious.

"I don't think so...he'd have to explain to Dumbledore and McGonagall what he knows we know, and if he did he'd get himself into trouble."

"But what if he framed us or something?" Ron gulped, "What if he blackmails us?"

"Then we'll just have to swear not to tell anyone," Harry said, as they turned the corner and went down the stairs that led to the dungeons.

They approached the Potions classroom door with extreme caution and with a meaningful look to Harry, who nodded, Ron knocked on the door three times, each knock echoing in the dark, frightening corridor with a deafening tone. The door creaked open by itself and the familiar, low, evil voice came from inside.

"Enter."

Harry went first and Ron, a nasty shade of green, entered after. Snape was sitting at his desk in the front of the room with an expression of either deep hatred, anger or anxiety; Harry couldn't decide.

"So," it was amazing what effect this simple word had. Ron gulped again and Harry shifted uncomfortably, "I believe you two have something of mine."

"Wedontknowwhatyouretalkingabout," Ron spoke so fast it was hard to understand him.

Snape's eyes narrowed, "Do not lie to me, Weasley. I saw you run out of my classroom during my..." he paused, "meeting. And I am quite aware that my dia -ahem- journal that has nothing serious or truthful in it whatsoever, just a few fictional stories that I..." he caught himself, "Anyway, I know you two have it, so I would appreciate it if you gave it to me right now and not breathe a word about the...um...fictional contents within...because that's what they are...uh...fictional..."

Harry and Ron gave each other confused looks; they had never seen Snape confused or ramble on like he was doing now. 

Snape stood up and slapped his hand on his desk, "Give it to me right now or you will both be on the train home tonight," the evil professor checked his desk clock quickly, "And hurry up about it. I'm expecting someone...I mean...I'm having a meeting soon, and I don't want you two or this rather - ah - stupid matter to interrupt it."

"We don't have it," Harry said suddenly, not knowing where he managed to scrounge up enough courage to do so (Ron shot him a nervous look).

"DO NOT LIE, POTTER!" Snape exploded, "IT'S MISSING FROM MY DESK AND I KNOW YOU HAVE IT! NOW GIVE IT TO ME NOW OR I'LL CURSE YOU SO FAST YOUR MOTHER WILL FEEL IT IN HER GRAVE!"

"Don't you talk 'bout my momma like that!" (heehee, couldn't help myself)

"ACCIO DIA-" Snape couldn't finish, because Hermione walked in.

"Is everything okay, Severus? I heard some shouting outs-" she couldn't finish either, she had just looked up to see Snape pointing his wand furiously at Harry and Ron, "Harry! Ron!" Her eyes opened wide, "What're you doing here?"

"I was about to ask you the same thing!" Ron had finally managed to open his mouth.

"I...well I..."

"Hermione is here to take -erm- extra Potions lessons. Because you see, unlike you, she doesn't struggle with simply stirring her potions."

"And since when are a student and teacher on first name terms? What's going on here?" Harry interjected.

Hermione and Snape exchanged quick glances.

"Who called who by their first name?" Hermione said, innocently.

"Don't lie. You know you called Snape Severus," Ron reminded her, clearly not fooled.

"Listen, we know you know that we know," Harry said plainly, flinching when Ron pinched his arm hard.

Hermione gave Snape a shocked look and mouthed the words "you told them" when Harry and Ron weren't paying attention.

"We don't know what you're talking about. We don't not know that you know anything about what we know -or don't know because there's nothing to know between us except a few facts about potion-making- that you know about...our business," Snape finished lamely, "So I would appreciate it if you returned my journal to me and leave Hermione and I to our...extra lesson."

"We don't have it with us, we told you already," Ron forgot about his fear of Snape.

"Then I suggest you bring it with you to your next Potions lesson. Quietly," the professor warned.

Harry and Ron left the room, quite relieved and shocked at what had just happened…


	10. Malfoy's Attention

Thanks for the reviews and whatnot…suggestions were lovely, as usual. Enjoy the latest chapter!

...

When Harry and Ron first found the diary, their mind-set completely changed. They became concentrated and didn't show any recognition toward everyone...

Even Draco.

Malfoy had done thousands of things to distract Harry and Ron that week but nothing seemed to capture their interest. He'd sent dung bombs in their mail, called them the usual obscene names in the hall yet; nothing could derive their thoughts from – whatever it was. It angered Malfoy to know that even for a moment he'd lost control of a situation and so, he knew he'd have to dig something up on Potter and Weasley or else everyone would begin to ignore him…

And so, of course, Malfoy, being the absolute little horror that he was, found it his duty to do a bit of snooping and find out whatever Ron and Harry were up to. He was so certain it could get them expelled immediately…so certain that he didn't even think twice as he lightly went through Potter's bag during Breakfast the following morning of the dungeon escapade.

"Hmm…Transfiguration book, Potions homework – we all know that's a 'T'…Divination…and –what's this?" Malfoy said as he picked up a black leather-bound journal that had "The Diary of Severus Snape" written across the cover of it.

"Well, well, well," Said Malfoy with a widening grin spread across his face "…I knew I was up to something, but I'd never have thought…"

Malfoy carefully closed Harry's bag and left Breakfast with a look of contentment and Snape's diary in hand. He couldn't have been any less hungry at the moment…he had to find Snape and personally deliver the diary himself. On the way to the dungeons and after receiving a few odd glares by Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and Gryffindor students, he realized that his "backbone" wasn't with him.

"Where are those two lugs? I can't depend upon them for anything! Well…other than ruining the lives of my adversaries I can't depend on them for anything. At least Potter has Weasley to depend on…Wait, was I remotely jealous of Potter just then? Am I talking to myself aloud? Malfoy's do not talk to themselves aloud! Oh…_this must stop_."

He rounded the corner and stood in front of Professor Snape's door. He stood there for a few moments, trying to burst through the door and announce at the top of his voice what he'd found in Potter's bag, but he couldn't so much as move a leg.

His eyes were transfixed to the diary.

"I wonder what he's written in here. Granted the man is only a teacher and can't have much of a life to begin with…but I do wonder if he's written anything in here valuable to _me,_ perhaps."

Malfoy ran his fingers across the diary one last time and dashed down the corridor. He'd return the diary to Snape…just as soon as he'd read a few pages of it himself. He couldn't have Potter and Weasley knowing more than he did!

...

Harry and Ron returned to the table after searching high-and-low for Hermione, yet, she was no place to be found. Ron was in an outrage and Harry couldn't help but feel disgusted as well whenever Hermione's name came about in their conversations as it so usually did about every five seconds or so.

"I still can't believe that she's really – "

"Shh, Ron…we don't know that."

"Right…you're expecting me to believe that she's just –oh, I dunno – taking extra potions lessons?"

"It _is_ what she said…and as much as I can't believe it either, we have to act normal. We now know that if we bring this to anyone, Snape won't be the only one affected. The best thing to do, I reckon, is return the diary like Snape said."

"Yeah, as much as it makes me want to gag, I guess you're right…so, is it in your bag?"

"Yeah, right beside my Transfiguration book," said Harry as he felt his way through his bag. "– Wait a minute…it's not here!"

"What?" Panicked Ron as the color faded from his face. "What d'ya mean, mate? Diaries just don't grow legs and walk away, not even in the wizarding world!"

"Well, I swear to you I put it in my bag as I was dressing this morning!" Harry exclaimed as he dumped the contents from his bag onto the table.

His hands rummaged through broken quills and wrinkled pieces of parchment, but there was _no_ diary to be found.

"What are we going to tell Snape? 'Oh sorry we lost your diary, Professor Perv, but maybe it'll probably turn up in Dumbledore's hands by the end of the day?' Harry, we're done for!"

"Now calm down, Ron. I say we go down to Snape and –"

" – And what, Harry? Don't you see, we're going to be butchered! Skinned! The skin will flay from our bodies by the time he's even begun his torture!"

"Then I guess we resume the day as usual until the time comes."

...

Okies…I did it! w00t! w00t! Revise as needed and I'll post. TTYL.


	11. Jealous?

Back with another chapter

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Malfoy hurried into his dormitory and threw his bag onto his four-poster after pulling the mysterious diary of the illusive professor out. Smiling eagerly, hungrily and mischievously the boy opened the diary the first page. (The same page Ron and Harry came across first just so I don't have to rewrite the thing, lol)

"Hm...'Number of times hair washed: 7'...ew, that _is _scary. If he really did wash his hair that much, why's the bloke so greasy?"

He turned the page to the first entry that involved Hermione.

"What the -" his eyes opened wide, "his arm was still burning?!" however disgusted Malfoy was, he still couldn't resist the temptation to turn the page again, "OH MY GOD!!!!" the blonde nearly fainted at the site of Snape's mini drawings of Hermione; the little hearts surrounding her name; "...if you like insufferable know-it-alls...which I do..."

At this, Draco threw the book on his bed as though it carried some kind of highly contagious disease.

"What in the blazes do I do?!" the question ran over and over again in his mind.

Crabbe and Goyle walked into the dormitory.

"We've got Potions in 5 minutes, Draco," Crabbe grunted.

"What?!" Malfoy's voice cracked, "I mean, yeah...okay, just give me a sec to get my stuff ready. You two'll wait for me at the bottom of the stairs."

Crabbe and Goyle didn't move.

"What's going on?" Goyle asked stupidly.

"Going on? What d'you mean 'going on?'" Malfoy was shaking with nerves as he tried hurriedly to hide the things on his bed, "I don't like that accusing tone!"

The two thugs looked at each other confused, shrugged and left the dormitory as instructed.

Draco slapped his forehead and came to the conclusion that he would confront Harry and Ron during the Potions lesson.

"Yes, it's the only way...maybe none of it's true...or maybe there's a perfectly logical explanation..." Malfoy reassured himself, "It couldn't be...Snape and Hermione..." and yet again Malfoy felt a strange feeling of...could it be?...jealousy?!

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hehe...I finished the chapter...it's kind of short


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